Introduction :
Study holidays are the most dullest phase of a student's life . The difference between the 'other' holidays/ vacation and study holidays is that there is a purpose - ( TO STUDY ! ) for the latter and none for the former. This time around i was rattling my brain to try and do something which i haven done in my past 20 years of living. So i chose to read the book " Mythological stories from the West " ( It is a kid's book filled with RK Laxmanish cartoons... never mind ).
I was fascinated by the Noah's Ark myth and it arouse the' Mr. curious' within me and made me write this post.. Quite an outrageous one I felt.
Location: An independent house in Any metro city in India.
Added Fact : All rivers in India are interconnected ( lets say with the help of Rajnikanth ) and they lead to the seas.
The Almighty spoke to Noah and Said: "I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water. But I want to save a few good people and two, one male and one female, of every living thing on the planet."
In a flash of lightening he delivered the specifications for the construction of the Ark.
"Okay," said Noah in a Shaggy-like voice , trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints. God added " After Six months,it will start to rain" . "You'd better have my Ark (The Ship) completed or learn how to swim for the rest of your life! "
And half a dozen months passed by. The sky began to darken with clouds and the rain began to fall, as if there was no tomorrow. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in the threshold of his house weeping, and there was no Ark to be seen!
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?"
A lightening bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, that startled him.
" Oh! Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were unbelievable problems right from the start. You forgot the fact that I am in India."
"First I had to get a building permit for the "Ark construction" project, and your plans didn't meet the prescribed code. If i had not obeyed the codes, it is termed "UNETHICAL!"
"I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans but none of the IIT-ians were willing. So I had to settle for the second best.
Then I got into a fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler/alarm system. The sound level should not exceed the stipulated db levels according to Noise and Pollution Control Board.
Next my neighbors objected, claiming I was in violation of the zoning code by building the Ark in my backyard, so I had to get a clearance from the City Planning Commission."
"Then I had a big problem getting enough wood to build the Ark, because there is a ban on cutting trees to save the Sparrows,and rest of the bird species.
I had to try to convince the Indian Fish and Wildlife authorities that I needed the wood to save the birds too. They also would not allow me to catch the birds, so we have no birds (especially owls!) for the Ark.
Then the Carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the Regional Traders and Carpenters board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.
Now we have two dozen carpenters doing the work of ten, not enough wood to complete the Ark and still no Owls!. The carpenters again complained of poor work conditions.
Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by an animal rights activists (PETA). They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the Indian Environmental protection agency notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement, i.e what would be the damage caused, on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a supreme being called God!
Then the engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe along with the world map.
Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Employment Commission over how many Foreign workers I'm supposed to hire, and there is also the quota system which says i need to have 30% of the workers to belong to the reservation class etc."
"Also, I'm running short on funds since the IT department seized all of my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about some kind of vat tax.
I tried collecting funds from all the people and said the boat is being built on " COMMON WEALTH " and that all of you will be saved. The moment i said the " COMMON WEALTH" word, people stopped giving me money. (Damn you Kalmadi!).
Then there was protest from Shiv Sena saying the Ark should be named after Bal Thackeray and Maratha manoos should be given preference. Seeing this we had protests from DMK, AIADMK. DMDK, Lallu Prasad Yadav and every young Indian MPs and MLAs."
" I asked the film fraternity to help. Shah Rukh Khan refused saying he need money to complete Ra.One, Salman Khan backed off because this issue involves animals. Vijay said he could not afford money as his last few movies flopped. Ajith was not available, busy playing his game and was learning dance lessons. Kamal Haasan was working on a movie that has him in 13 roles ( to surpass Priyanka Chopra ). And I could not find Rajnikanth. "
I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years." Noah wailed. " The reason being Government here changes every 5 years ". God then with a smirk added " You did not know the concept of giving bribe?!" . Noah was startled. " Of course I know, lord! We do it every time with you. But there is now a septuagenarian named Anna Hazare, fighting for an anti corruption bill to be passed. So, the awareness among public is huge and I don't want to get caught in the act of doing such a foolish thing". God remained silent. There was something bothering Noah. He then politely asked God, " I have a doubt." God gave him the go ahead sign, and Noah asked "If the opposite of pro is con, is it by default or purely coincidental that 'Con'gress, is against 'Pro'gress in India?". God looked bemused.
After a brief moment of time, the sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
"No" said the Lord sadly, " I actually forgot the fact that the Government and politicians already have done it."
Study holidays are the most dullest phase of a student's life . The difference between the 'other' holidays/ vacation and study holidays is that there is a purpose - ( TO STUDY ! ) for the latter and none for the former. This time around i was rattling my brain to try and do something which i haven done in my past 20 years of living. So i chose to read the book " Mythological stories from the West " ( It is a kid's book filled with RK Laxmanish cartoons... never mind ).
I was fascinated by the Noah's Ark myth and it arouse the' Mr. curious' within me and made me write this post.. Quite an outrageous one I felt.
Location: An independent house in Any metro city in India.
Added Fact : All rivers in India are interconnected ( lets say with the help of Rajnikanth ) and they lead to the seas.
The Almighty spoke to Noah and Said: "I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water. But I want to save a few good people and two, one male and one female, of every living thing on the planet."
In a flash of lightening he delivered the specifications for the construction of the Ark.
"Okay," said Noah in a Shaggy-like voice , trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints. God added " After Six months,it will start to rain" . "You'd better have my Ark (The Ship) completed or learn how to swim for the rest of your life! "
And half a dozen months passed by. The sky began to darken with clouds and the rain began to fall, as if there was no tomorrow. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in the threshold of his house weeping, and there was no Ark to be seen!
"Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?"
A lightening bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, that startled him.
" Oh! Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were unbelievable problems right from the start. You forgot the fact that I am in India."
"First I had to get a building permit for the "Ark construction" project, and your plans didn't meet the prescribed code. If i had not obeyed the codes, it is termed "UNETHICAL!"
"I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans but none of the IIT-ians were willing. So I had to settle for the second best.
Then I got into a fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler/alarm system. The sound level should not exceed the stipulated db levels according to Noise and Pollution Control Board.
Next my neighbors objected, claiming I was in violation of the zoning code by building the Ark in my backyard, so I had to get a clearance from the City Planning Commission."
"Then I had a big problem getting enough wood to build the Ark, because there is a ban on cutting trees to save the Sparrows,and rest of the bird species.
I had to try to convince the Indian Fish and Wildlife authorities that I needed the wood to save the birds too. They also would not allow me to catch the birds, so we have no birds (especially owls!) for the Ark.
Then the Carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the Regional Traders and Carpenters board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.
Now we have two dozen carpenters doing the work of ten, not enough wood to complete the Ark and still no Owls!. The carpenters again complained of poor work conditions.
Then I started gathering up the animals and got sued by an animal rights activists (PETA). They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the Indian Environmental protection agency notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement, i.e what would be the damage caused, on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a supreme being called God!
Then the engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe along with the world map.
Right now I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Employment Commission over how many Foreign workers I'm supposed to hire, and there is also the quota system which says i need to have 30% of the workers to belong to the reservation class etc."
"Also, I'm running short on funds since the IT department seized all of my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about some kind of vat tax.
I tried collecting funds from all the people and said the boat is being built on " COMMON WEALTH " and that all of you will be saved. The moment i said the " COMMON WEALTH" word, people stopped giving me money. (Damn you Kalmadi!).
Then there was protest from Shiv Sena saying the Ark should be named after Bal Thackeray and Maratha manoos should be given preference. Seeing this we had protests from DMK, AIADMK. DMDK, Lallu Prasad Yadav and every young Indian MPs and MLAs."
" I asked the film fraternity to help. Shah Rukh Khan refused saying he need money to complete Ra.One, Salman Khan backed off because this issue involves animals. Vijay said he could not afford money as his last few movies flopped. Ajith was not available, busy playing his game and was learning dance lessons. Kamal Haasan was working on a movie that has him in 13 roles ( to surpass Priyanka Chopra ). And I could not find Rajnikanth. "
I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years." Noah wailed. " The reason being Government here changes every 5 years ". God then with a smirk added " You did not know the concept of giving bribe?!" . Noah was startled. " Of course I know, lord! We do it every time with you. But there is now a septuagenarian named Anna Hazare, fighting for an anti corruption bill to be passed. So, the awareness among public is huge and I don't want to get caught in the act of doing such a foolish thing". God remained silent. There was something bothering Noah. He then politely asked God, " I have a doubt." God gave him the go ahead sign, and Noah asked "If the opposite of pro is con, is it by default or purely coincidental that 'Con'gress, is against 'Pro'gress in India?". God looked bemused.
After a brief moment of time, the sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled, "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully.
"No" said the Lord sadly, " I actually forgot the fact that the Government and politicians already have done it."
No comments:
Post a Comment