Words failed me when I wanted to write something on Sachin when he retired from one day international cricket. I didn't brood over it and decided to wait for the inevitable. Two tests. All good things came to an end on November 16th 2013. It was 1:45 am here, in Texas, when Sachin walked to the 22 yard pitch, one final time without his cricketing gear. He bent down and touched it and offered his gratitude to that brown patch surrounded by grass. God was down to earth, literally. If the mobile guard of honor wasn't enough, Sachin had to remind us that he was a mortal when he said "Your 'Sachiiiin Sachin..' chant will reverberate in my ears until my last breath!''. Paper towels and napkins should have been blessed to collect those tears of genuine emotions. Unakku saave illa, thalaivaa!
I tried to sleep and eventually with 'Sachiiiin Sachin' chant reverberating in my ears, I slept with a smile on my face not before having a 45 minute conversation with my brother who lives in Bangalore. We've never spoken so much over phone because we never had much to talk about at length. But this time, it was different. I was just looking for someone to share my void. That feeling of emptiness that can never be filled. He gave me something to discuss with my brother. He gave me Memories. I woke up today to Sidvee's brilliant article on how everyone has a Sachin story to share. I began to think and yes- I have stories to tell too. Two stories.
September 2012. A premature return to India, thanks to a Masters dream that was cut short due to highly random and inexplicable factors. Unfathomable turn of events. I had nothing to look forward to in life for three months. Zilch clue with respect to where my life was heading. It was a big deal for a pretty conservative middle class family like mine from Chennai, to handle the enormity of the way things transpired with respect to their son. I spent weeks away from home in a friend's place living without internet and proper food. He was looking for a job and I was looking for a life. This phase changed my outlook towards life. The phase of conundrums, fallacies and apprehensions continued till December. We spent our times watching Sachin videos we had collected over the years on our laptops. By December, Sachin announced his retirement from ODI. *WHY Sachin!??!..WHY?!* I started to feel even more miserable. The silver lining was a test match to be held in Chepauk which eventually turned out to be his last in his adopted home.
Couple of days before Sachin batted for one final time at Chepauk, I met with an accident. I still went to the game and watched MS Dhoni score a memorable double century, not before Sachin resurrected the comeback when India were tottering at 12/2. He got off the mark with three breathtaking strokes of Mitchell Starc. I returned on the final day with a sling on my left arm and limp to watch Sachin bat. I witnessed happiness and joy in its purest form, in a long time. The last time I saw him *LIVE* at the Chepauk stadium, he did something that he had never done before (check video). If someone tells me now that my return to India after a depressing stay in Ohio was to watch *THIS* live in the stadium, I would gladly accept it. Thank you, Trivikraman Madhavan for the tickets.
Next time a test match happens at Chepauk, I will chant 'Sachiin, Sachin' with the same fervor and passion at the fall of the second wicket.
The second story is something that I will tell my grandchildren. This happened when I was with Chennai Super Kings, as their official blogger.
The second story is something that I will tell my grandchildren. This happened when I was with Chennai Super Kings, as their official blogger.
Robin Singh walked to retrieve the ball and I did the same. There I was, holding the ball driven by Sachin. My smile was reflected on the surface of the ball as I stared at it. It was a dream come true. A crescendo of surprise brought me back to reality. "Hey!.." said a familiar squeaky voice. I responded like a girl blushing if she encountered Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Gosling. My head responded to his call with a nod. "Throw the ball at me..go ahead" and he shifted his position of stance to face me.
I still remember the first cricket match I saw back in 1994-95. It was the Singer trophy between India and Sri Lanka. Sachin got out for a duck caught by Aravinda De Silva. I don't remember my reaction to his dismissal that much. Then came the Titan Cup, 1996 WC, Sharjah- tournaments after tournaments where he escalated to a point which is beyond apex. He never had a pinnacle. He exists in a vast continuum of space. That's exactly the void I have in my heart now.I am not able to watch a video of Sachin clad in blue, standing up and delivering one through the covers or striking one right past the bowler as he takes a look at his left foot, after a follow through- a moment when everything in this world comes to a standstill. It was like God saying, ''dear humans I am right before you, just see me." In that composure and elegance I feel the adrenaline gushing through my body and even the hair on my skin rises to catch a glimpse of Sachin.
Few years after '94, cricket began to be associated with the word 'gambling', a drastic antithesis to the word 'gentleman's'. Many people ridiculed me for watching cricket with the same enthusiasm. The moment hit me hard. I realized I was watching the game for Sachin. I started not just to watch him, but learn from him.
I wanted to know if there are any more adjectives that can be used to describe his batting. I found many. I got interested in English just to learn more superlatives- ominous, exquisite, belligerent, graceful, penchant, audacious, cheeky, crafty, etc. When he plays the straight drive, it oozes so much class that one can pour it in a cup and savor it. I had a poster of Sachin on the wall facing east, so that I did an Abhivadaye to him whenever I did Sandhyavandhanam.I see God in things that make me happy. Sachin never expected anything in return. More than my parents, music, family, friend, girl friend.. he surpassed everyone in giving me happiness. Surreal. It wasn't a case of excessive devotion. It was't idolatrous. The fact is, he is God to me.
I thought Sachin would end his career in ODIs right after the World Cup triumph, but he continued, much to my delight. Sachin, you have indeed come a full, befitting circle. When a cricketer retires we tend to draw comparisons and try bringing them on a common platform. We live in a world that loves defining things and loathes ambiguity. So, is Sachin better than Sir Viv? Well, his shoulders that bore a billion expectations will reply to that in a fitting voice. He played all the shots in the book, scored fifties and hundreds time and time again, but the essence was never captured in the highlights or any videos found. The future won’t be as lucky as me. The next Sachin is several light years away. They are just going to be born at the wrong time. He was the manifestation of pure joy and his failure didn't impact the day-day livelihood of common man , but actually made ordinary people to bond over something and look forward to, especially in a country smeared with scams, slow economy and a mockery of a political system, this guy instilled hope- hope that things will get better. He made people forget everything else. His climb to greatness coincided with India staging its recovery on the global scale. That's why he will be THE one.
India has always been a mediocre team- never evolved fully to stamp their dominance. I thank Sachin for giving us fans the belief that we can be world beaters. It was an image created by him along with a few other legends. I am not sure if I should hate or love Sachin for that. I still don't.
Sachin was selfish and possessive. He took pride in scoring as many runs as possible to ensure India wins and that selfishness along with the possessiveness about his wicket took the relationship to an emotional stage. Every time his back strained a muscle, while hitting the ball against Pakistan at Chepauk, I wept. Wept when he toiled unperturbed and put himself under the torture of sweeping Saqlain Mushtaq, or pulling Wasim Akram. A man on a mission. The post match presentation showed me the human he actually was. A rare case of voice breaking throughout the speech, unable to complete the sentences. Sachin felt he let us down. He actually made us to believe that too. But the truth was, he was let down by the rest of his team. Sachin single-handedly saved India from embarrassments. He felt responsible for the team's failures. People who say 'Sachin is selfish and plays for records..' can be safely ignored. He never cared about the critics. Nor the criticism. I am not sure if he read this piece that appeared in the Frontline by Sukumar Vaidyanathan about how bad it was for the team under the match fixing cloud in 2000-
".. D.Y Lele offers concrete illustrations of results that have been rigged and then mentions two instances when efforts made by Jadeja and Azharuddin to contrive an outcome of convenience were thwarted by heroic interventions from Sachin Tendulkar. In both cases, Lele seems to suggest, Tendulkar was warned in advance through anonymous calls made to team manager Anshuman Gaekwad, of his two teammates' concealed agenda. Jadeja and Azharuddin played in both instances according to the bookmakers' script. But Tendulkar willed things otherwise."
Respect is all I have for this man.
Respect is all I have for this man.
I may not be his biggest fan like Sudhir Kumar Gautam. But, there is something magical about him. An aura. People who say that the sport is bigger than an individual do not understand or know the value of this 5' 5'' giant of a man. Forget Sachin the brand, or Sachin who got a tax rule modified to get his Ferrari into India. Well, if Spain could bring about the "Beckham's Law" to facilitate his transfer into Real Madrid, Sachin deserves more from his motherland right? This thought process made me feel like a dad rationalizing his son's behavior. I am not complaining, for he made me feel proud at the end of the day.
What else is left to write about? Hmmm. I always wanted to know why Sachin wore a hat while fielding. Probably he wanted us to see those smiles he managed to wear on that boyish countenance and not those tensed wrinkles on his forehead every time he constructed innings after innings against Warne, McGrath, Akram, Younis, Ambrose, Walsh, Muralitharan, Donald etc. That's why he never batted with a cap on his head.
I want to apologize on behalf of every fan who have let him down in the past twenty four years. For throwing stones that he changed into milestones. We had given up hope and time and again he proved us wrong. People have spoken behind his back. There were times we questioned our loyalties, whilst he always thanked us. And, I do worry about how Saraswathi Vaidyanathan will take the news- the 89 year old ardent fan who said to The Hindu, that her main aim was to meet Sachin more than her own grandchildren. He could have just ignored, but instead, he did come down to Chennai and met her. That doesn't make him unique does it? Everyone does that? Really?
But what is next for me? I don't know. If you ask me, with all due respect ODI should retire. Or maybe like how in football, the player's jersey numbers are retired, the no.4 slot in the batting line up should be retired. These are crazy and impossible wishes right? Well, he did the impossible over and over again and made us wish s(a)uch. It's time for us to start organizing cricket around our lives instead of the opposite. I will miss my mom saying "Sachin aa unakku naalaikku sOru poduvaan?" or asking a random guy on the road, "Anna score enna? Sachin out aa?". On 16th November, when he tried to control tears rolling down from his eyes, my hands automatically folded and eyes moistened. This is a beautiful relationship. It was never about the stats or records. It was about the inexplicable bond we shared. Thank you, Sachin- for the memories and the stories.
